the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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