laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
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