I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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