she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
