I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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