its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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