I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
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