Even the bartender felt bad for me
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
