I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
