plz talk dirty to me
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
