Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
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