What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
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Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize