Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
