You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
