I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
