god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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