it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?