Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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