I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
