We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
