Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
