I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
My feet surprised me
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
