so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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