I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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