no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Randomize
