If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
