nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Boobs speak an international language.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
