so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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