if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
