I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
