Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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