apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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