i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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