We need to rekindle our bromance
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
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Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
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Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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