I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
