shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
