is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
