I showed him my bush... on skype.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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