You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
