I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
