Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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