I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
