The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
