sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
These tits shall not be calmed
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
