Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
