You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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