maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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