He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
