Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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