it was like his penis was on wheels.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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