Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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