please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Girls should come with a carfax report
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
