i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize