I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
