i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
