TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
