dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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