Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
