If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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