Already got asked if we're dating
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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