you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I didn't notice because vodka
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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