It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
