Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
