Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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