God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
