If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
