it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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